am i dreaming
8 years ago
Thursday, September 6, 2012
rewind and backtrack
Back in July I had a birthday. Somehow I've failed to mention the fact that I'm a year older and not much wiser but the turning of a year includes a story worth mentioning
.
My birthday was on a Monday this year and Russ had told me that he wanted to take me out for my birthday but since he was going to have to work Monday we decided on Saturday. Well Saturday came and he went scuba diving up at strawberry res to catch crawdad's(??) with his buddies. He had said he should be home in time to still go out but we decided on about 7 o'clock to be safe. He called me at about 5 saying he had just gotten home and would come pick me up about 7. I had spent the day with my friends-breakfast at Magelby's Fresh, shopping etc... so I was ready when he came and got me.
We begin driving discussing where we wanted to eat etc... (currently he was in between trucks after recently selling his so we were driving in his friend Cody's truck). his phone went off and he starts talking to his buddy Luke about how he'd have to go tow this truck down from Taylorsville. Bummed I agreed to go with him and tried not to let him see how disappointed I was our date got rain checked. We discuss having to go get Luke's truck to tow and he says I have to go to my house first. Not really thinking about it we head to his house.
We unusually enter through the front door instead of the garage, to which he says "I've been using my front door a lot more lately". Worked for me. As we get in the house he disappears into his room and as he goes down the hallways asks me to feed his dogs real quick. I love his dogs and help feed them a lot so I head out into the garage but as I open the back door I hear "Surprise!!!" and I shockingly stare back to a patio full of our mutual friends!! I didn't know what to do honestly, I was kinda embarrassed but SO happy at the same time. He came outside to join the party grinning ear to ear. It was a blast! We had a BBQ, hung out, drove around in Ben's old fashioned sports car, and ate delicious cake that Jessi had made(my favorite candy is sour gummy worms).
It was quite the surprise and a fabulous night :) thanks again babe!!!
.
My birthday was on a Monday this year and Russ had told me that he wanted to take me out for my birthday but since he was going to have to work Monday we decided on Saturday. Well Saturday came and he went scuba diving up at strawberry res to catch crawdad's(??) with his buddies. He had said he should be home in time to still go out but we decided on about 7 o'clock to be safe. He called me at about 5 saying he had just gotten home and would come pick me up about 7. I had spent the day with my friends-breakfast at Magelby's Fresh, shopping etc... so I was ready when he came and got me.
We begin driving discussing where we wanted to eat etc... (currently he was in between trucks after recently selling his so we were driving in his friend Cody's truck). his phone went off and he starts talking to his buddy Luke about how he'd have to go tow this truck down from Taylorsville. Bummed I agreed to go with him and tried not to let him see how disappointed I was our date got rain checked. We discuss having to go get Luke's truck to tow and he says I have to go to my house first. Not really thinking about it we head to his house.
We unusually enter through the front door instead of the garage, to which he says "I've been using my front door a lot more lately". Worked for me. As we get in the house he disappears into his room and as he goes down the hallways asks me to feed his dogs real quick. I love his dogs and help feed them a lot so I head out into the garage but as I open the back door I hear "Surprise!!!" and I shockingly stare back to a patio full of our mutual friends!! I didn't know what to do honestly, I was kinda embarrassed but SO happy at the same time. He came outside to join the party grinning ear to ear. It was a blast! We had a BBQ, hung out, drove around in Ben's old fashioned sports car, and ate delicious cake that Jessi had made(my favorite candy is sour gummy worms).
It was quite the surprise and a fabulous night :) thanks again babe!!!Monday, August 6, 2012
L.A.I.K.I
Life. As. I. Know. It.
it's pretty crazy these days. I feel like I'm spinning a million miles a minute and as I sit to try to sort out emotions and thoughts it's still all one big jumble.
let's start with work. INSANE! there was a month that I refer to as hell but it's real name is January and I hated it. well lately work feels like I'm back in January and I live for days off and suffer through days on. Needless to say the time has come that despite the pay cut and despite the dread of being the new girl again I'm going to start looking for another job. There's just a few extra things in consideration these days : ) However, despite the craziness I've gotten to a part of nursing where I feel I can finally look back over the last year and realize I've grown. And for a good news minute I hadn't started an IV in quite a while and last week got one I had to start on the first try, then last night I went to start one for another nurse and BAM! right on the first try again. both hard sticks.
baby girl kez is now 3 years old!! man I love that little girl, I love jax man too but can't believe 3 years has gone by since I became a lil auntie and began to hang out with the coolest kids ever! I'm so grateful to have little reminders around about what life's really about and they never fail to make you smile. crazy how time flies.
Olympics. due to the fact that I work nights I don't see much TV action during the day but I've made a habit of sticking the news on in the day room at work and watching the re-runs and interviews of all the athletes. Besides making me wanna get a gym pass the Olympics makes me wanna be a part of something and impact peoples lives. Not that I'm gonna be signing up for team USA anytime soon but I sure do love watching all these countries get together and compete.
Russ. He continues to be amazing and I'm such a lucky girl. That pretty much sums it up so we'll leave it at that : )
August. Summer always flies but I feel this one flew exceptionally fast! I'm so grateful for the fun memories but I haven't given up on it yet and plan on enjoying my shorts and sunshine down to the last minute. Russ has a hunt coming up in 2 weeks that I'm going to go with on and experience my first hunting adventure. I'm a little nervous to head out for a week 5 hours away but I'm excited and am celebrating my excitement with buying some awesome supplies for the hunt.
it's pretty crazy these days. I feel like I'm spinning a million miles a minute and as I sit to try to sort out emotions and thoughts it's still all one big jumble.
let's start with work. INSANE! there was a month that I refer to as hell but it's real name is January and I hated it. well lately work feels like I'm back in January and I live for days off and suffer through days on. Needless to say the time has come that despite the pay cut and despite the dread of being the new girl again I'm going to start looking for another job. There's just a few extra things in consideration these days : ) However, despite the craziness I've gotten to a part of nursing where I feel I can finally look back over the last year and realize I've grown. And for a good news minute I hadn't started an IV in quite a while and last week got one I had to start on the first try, then last night I went to start one for another nurse and BAM! right on the first try again. both hard sticks.
baby girl kez is now 3 years old!! man I love that little girl, I love jax man too but can't believe 3 years has gone by since I became a lil auntie and began to hang out with the coolest kids ever! I'm so grateful to have little reminders around about what life's really about and they never fail to make you smile. crazy how time flies.
Olympics. due to the fact that I work nights I don't see much TV action during the day but I've made a habit of sticking the news on in the day room at work and watching the re-runs and interviews of all the athletes. Besides making me wanna get a gym pass the Olympics makes me wanna be a part of something and impact peoples lives. Not that I'm gonna be signing up for team USA anytime soon but I sure do love watching all these countries get together and compete.
Russ. He continues to be amazing and I'm such a lucky girl. That pretty much sums it up so we'll leave it at that : )
August. Summer always flies but I feel this one flew exceptionally fast! I'm so grateful for the fun memories but I haven't given up on it yet and plan on enjoying my shorts and sunshine down to the last minute. Russ has a hunt coming up in 2 weeks that I'm going to go with on and experience my first hunting adventure. I'm a little nervous to head out for a week 5 hours away but I'm excited and am celebrating my excitement with buying some awesome supplies for the hunt.
Monday, June 25, 2012
summa 2012
Summertime is HERE!!! well I guess it's been here for a while, but I love it! There's many reasons that make summertime the best season ever, but the biggest and most broad is that there's so much you can do! I've been taking full advantage of this : )
Way back in May Russ and I went to Eagle Mountain Pony Express days with his dad and (then fiance) Tracy. Despite the wind it was a blast and a great way to kick off rodeo season aka summer!
Even with the crappy weather over Memorial day weekend we still found time to plant the garden down at the grandparents house as well as play around down on dad's farm.
Also over Memorial weekend we found time to go for a drive up in the Uintah's. We ended up finding a neat little spot and the weather had let up for a min so the boys made a fire, we had an over 100+ picture photo shoot with Chris's camera, played with the dogs, shot guns, and then enjoyed the presence of 2 moose! However, as we were heading down the mountain it started SNOWING! but it was a blast.
End of May Tanner man aka baby of the fam graduated from high school!'m so proud of him and so excited to see how the University of Utah looks on him come fall. way to go baby bro!!
CAMPING!! we went up to Wallsburg and camped overnight but crammed as many things into those 48 hours as possible! Festivities included: shooting guns (I finally shot a shot gun for the first time in my life), played horse shoes, cooked delicious food on the fire, fished, and went on 4- wheeler rides including a day ride where we rode to Daniels Summit Lodge and ate lunch then 4- wheeled back to camp!
One of my best friends (along with my second mom) daughter got married in Cedar one weekend so russ and I made the journey down to visit while Cyndi was in Utah for the wedding. It was a blast! I have missed her so much and I also got to see other long lost friends, enjoy time with Russ at Sand Hollow while soaking up some southern utah sun! 
what's summertime without a lil rodeo?? I wouldn't know because I soak up rodeo season like crazy!! and strawberry days is one of my favorites-this year it didn't fail to please either. Strawberries and cream, rodeo, pro motorcross, fireworks, and concert along with dancing in the dirt afterwards =pretty awesome night!! 
I love boating, going on drives around town with the windows down or up in the mountains looking for adventure. I love BBQ's and fresh fruit. I love summer and I'm so grateful for the awesome people I'm spending it with! 
Long live summer ya'll!! : )
Way back in May Russ and I went to Eagle Mountain Pony Express days with his dad and (then fiance) Tracy. Despite the wind it was a blast and a great way to kick off rodeo season aka summer!
Even with the crappy weather over Memorial day weekend we still found time to plant the garden down at the grandparents house as well as play around down on dad's farm.
Also over Memorial weekend we found time to go for a drive up in the Uintah's. We ended up finding a neat little spot and the weather had let up for a min so the boys made a fire, we had an over 100+ picture photo shoot with Chris's camera, played with the dogs, shot guns, and then enjoyed the presence of 2 moose! However, as we were heading down the mountain it started SNOWING! but it was a blast.
End of May Tanner man aka baby of the fam graduated from high school!'m so proud of him and so excited to see how the University of Utah looks on him come fall. way to go baby bro!!
CAMPING!! we went up to Wallsburg and camped overnight but crammed as many things into those 48 hours as possible! Festivities included: shooting guns (I finally shot a shot gun for the first time in my life), played horse shoes, cooked delicious food on the fire, fished, and went on 4- wheeler rides including a day ride where we rode to Daniels Summit Lodge and ate lunch then 4- wheeled back to camp!
One of my best friends (along with my second mom) daughter got married in Cedar one weekend so russ and I made the journey down to visit while Cyndi was in Utah for the wedding. It was a blast! I have missed her so much and I also got to see other long lost friends, enjoy time with Russ at Sand Hollow while soaking up some southern utah sun! 
what's summertime without a lil rodeo?? I wouldn't know because I soak up rodeo season like crazy!! and strawberry days is one of my favorites-this year it didn't fail to please either. Strawberries and cream, rodeo, pro motorcross, fireworks, and concert along with dancing in the dirt afterwards =pretty awesome night!! 
I love boating, going on drives around town with the windows down or up in the mountains looking for adventure. I love BBQ's and fresh fruit. I love summer and I'm so grateful for the awesome people I'm spending it with! 
Long live summer ya'll!! : )
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
life saving.
I've been a nurse for a year now! on June 4, it'd been exactly a year since I managed to type with shaky hands, entering my information online and read the words on the computer screen: Passed!
Back in school, and throughout clinicals I heard the expression nurses eat their young, ALOT! I also heard that nurses are considered "worthless" their first year as a nurse while they try to figure real life out. I thought I was prepared but man I had no idea what I was getting myself into!
This past year has been a roller coaster of emotions! My first 2-3 months as I nurse eating and sleeping were luxuries to me as I never did either. I was working both days and night shifts. My 12 hours shifts were averaging 14-15 hour shifts and I think I'm going to suffer some long term kidney effects down the road seeing as how I held my bladder daily!
When I first started, making the transition was one of the hardest parts, to go from being an aide and saying "I'll go get the nurse", to being the nurse. Being the nurse meant everything got pinned on you, this past year I've learned that since you're the nurse people think you can fix anything and I've since taken on roles of housekeeper, repair guy, administrator, family member, psychologist, aide, respiratory therapist, and yes even bug killer(a family member once came out with a Kleenex looking for the nurse wanting to show me a bug and asking what I wanted to do with it. True story.)
Moment of truth: I have cried a lot this past year! and I wish I could say that it's only been in the first couple months but sadly enough the tears still manage to find their way to surface. The bad days I thought I had as an aide was like eating a piece of cake to the bad days I've had as a nurse. From a code blue with fecal matter filling the room, to another code blue and leaving me as the one to pound on the 300+ pounds patient. From 3 admits in one shift, to having 18+ patients for a whole month straight. From bed alarms, to feeding tube alarms, to vent alarms, and let's not forget room and bathroom call lights! From dealing with hospice deaths to finding an unexpected death. I could go on and on....
I've decided this past years that not only do I have RN, and BSN my name but also OCD. Never have I realized more my perfectionist, and nit picky ways until I'm near tears in frustration that I won't be able to meet my ways.
So many lessons have been learned but the biggest one that stands out at the moment is the lesson that refers to me unexpected death ^. That lesson learned was a real hard one in the sense of: In the end there is still only so much we can do, even as medical professionals and someone else gets the final say.
But let me not lead you to believe I hate being a nurse because even in it's questioning moments, like January the month from hell when I almost quit on the spot to go to physical therapy school, nursing is rewarding and I still couldn't see myself doing anything different! I have the opportunity to change lives, but in return I have met the most awesome patients, family members, and co-workers who have taught me and been there for me more than I ever thought strangers could. I am very lucky for the good stories I have amongst the chaos : )
I survived the first year but I still feel worthless and that I have so much more to learn, but I hope that feeling never changes because that fear and constant changing/learning is what makes nursing nursing and I don't ever want to feel totally comfortable.
Lastly, I must mention a quick thank you to those who have had to put up with me the past year, especially my family and best friends. When I needed relief, and venting they were there. When I cried and cried my frustrations, they listened. When I needed to be re-validated that I wasn't worthless, they were there. I'm sorry for the constant complaining and venting, I hope that gets better : )
CHEERS TO NURSING!!
Back in school, and throughout clinicals I heard the expression nurses eat their young, ALOT! I also heard that nurses are considered "worthless" their first year as a nurse while they try to figure real life out. I thought I was prepared but man I had no idea what I was getting myself into!
This past year has been a roller coaster of emotions! My first 2-3 months as I nurse eating and sleeping were luxuries to me as I never did either. I was working both days and night shifts. My 12 hours shifts were averaging 14-15 hour shifts and I think I'm going to suffer some long term kidney effects down the road seeing as how I held my bladder daily!
When I first started, making the transition was one of the hardest parts, to go from being an aide and saying "I'll go get the nurse", to being the nurse. Being the nurse meant everything got pinned on you, this past year I've learned that since you're the nurse people think you can fix anything and I've since taken on roles of housekeeper, repair guy, administrator, family member, psychologist, aide, respiratory therapist, and yes even bug killer(a family member once came out with a Kleenex looking for the nurse wanting to show me a bug and asking what I wanted to do with it. True story.)
Moment of truth: I have cried a lot this past year! and I wish I could say that it's only been in the first couple months but sadly enough the tears still manage to find their way to surface. The bad days I thought I had as an aide was like eating a piece of cake to the bad days I've had as a nurse. From a code blue with fecal matter filling the room, to another code blue and leaving me as the one to pound on the 300+ pounds patient. From 3 admits in one shift, to having 18+ patients for a whole month straight. From bed alarms, to feeding tube alarms, to vent alarms, and let's not forget room and bathroom call lights! From dealing with hospice deaths to finding an unexpected death. I could go on and on....
I've decided this past years that not only do I have RN, and BSN my name but also OCD. Never have I realized more my perfectionist, and nit picky ways until I'm near tears in frustration that I won't be able to meet my ways.
So many lessons have been learned but the biggest one that stands out at the moment is the lesson that refers to me unexpected death ^. That lesson learned was a real hard one in the sense of: In the end there is still only so much we can do, even as medical professionals and someone else gets the final say.
But let me not lead you to believe I hate being a nurse because even in it's questioning moments, like January the month from hell when I almost quit on the spot to go to physical therapy school, nursing is rewarding and I still couldn't see myself doing anything different! I have the opportunity to change lives, but in return I have met the most awesome patients, family members, and co-workers who have taught me and been there for me more than I ever thought strangers could. I am very lucky for the good stories I have amongst the chaos : )
I survived the first year but I still feel worthless and that I have so much more to learn, but I hope that feeling never changes because that fear and constant changing/learning is what makes nursing nursing and I don't ever want to feel totally comfortable.
Lastly, I must mention a quick thank you to those who have had to put up with me the past year, especially my family and best friends. When I needed relief, and venting they were there. When I cried and cried my frustrations, they listened. When I needed to be re-validated that I wasn't worthless, they were there. I'm sorry for the constant complaining and venting, I hope that gets better : )
CHEERS TO NURSING!!
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