never grow up

being a grown up entails LOTS of big decisions to make. I was used to making lots of decisions as a student but it seems now that what I decide to do with my life suddenly has a huge impact. Well I've been reminded lately that I really am not fully in charge of these decisions after all seeing as how someone else knows best. let me explain.

Working as a Rehab nurse for over a year now had started to take it's toll and I was fighting back feelings of wanting to retire from exhaustion when I realized that it was finally time to start applying for other jobs justifying that the pay cut I take to go anywhere else will be worth it. I didn't take it too seriously turned in about 3 applications online and just went about life. Well I watched a few more nurses at my work get other jobs and as I found myself still surrounded by craziness at work and a continuing "rough" situation with my new boss I was inspired to try harder.

On September 3 I received a text from a fellow nurse who worked two jobs-one being a day school nurse for a one-to-one patient and the other working long term at Provo. She asked if I was interested in taking over her day job as she is pregnant and currently unable to do it anymore. Immediately I focused in on the glorified no weekends, no holidays, and being on the same schedule as Russ during the week. PERFECT!! well the more the ball started to get rolling with the idea the more I started to doubt it. I couldn't let myself get fully excited about it and as more info came about I began to realize it may not be right. Thank goodness for a good friend Joni who helped me lay it all out focusing on the fact that I would lose the opportunity to assess, perform certain skills, and interact with co-workers and doctors as a nurse. I realized in that moment that I would not be progressing and so as I stared at the application online(the last real step I had to do before they would have oriented me) I logged off. Frustrated that I still needed to find an out I applied to a a couple job postings online at 2 different hospitals.

Friday September 7: I was driving around with Channy on one of her breaks for school when my phone went off with an unknown number. She recognized it as Utah Valley Regional hospital but it hung up before I answered it. About a half hour later the number called again and this time as I was freaking out and Channy made me answer it I soon was offered the opportunity to come in and interview the following Tuesday for a position I'd applied for. HOLY MOLY was I freaking out. It was going to be a group interview that I had to present/teach for 2-3 mins. I'd never had a hospital interview before and I started to tear up and almost throw up I just wanted to scream!!!

2 hours later as I'm retelling my nerve wrecking experience to Jacqui outside her house I get another phone call from an unknown number. not thinking about it I check my voicemail a little later on my way home to hear that it was Director of Nursing at Timpanogos Hospital and she wanted to set up an interview time for me sometime next week. HOLY MOLY!!! if one phone call wasn't enough now there was 2??!! Instant reminder that I'm not in control, seeing as how I'd just turned down a job potential 4 days prior.

I lived to tell about the interviews and by friday I was a whole 10 pounds lighter as I began the waiting period to hear back. I waited a week before e-mailing Timpanogos and getting an immediate response that night to call her the next day as they would love to have me come work with them. I jumped up and down-spread the good news and the next day called my new boss as we discussed where I would go from here to get going. (For the record I did hear back from Utah Valley and was considered for the position but since My boss at provo hadn't called them back or returned messages I received the call to late as I had already accepted Timp.)

Anywho, point of this mumbo jumbo is that I have a new job!! I'll be working in as hospital, doing real hard core nurse skills!! I'm sooooooooooo scared it's crazy. I feel like I'm in a whirlwind. But amidst all the craziness of being new again and having to learn and learn and learn and learn I'm trying to focus on the excitement of getting what I've wanted for a long time. I'll be in several different floors of the hospital so I'll get a lot of experience and meet tons of people.

However, with change comes the bitter sweetness of goodbye. I worked my last shift at Provo Monday night and as I went to leave the facility and aides began to hug me goodbye I almost cried. I was leaving behind my work family that we as night shift had become. I walked the halls one last time to the break room to clock out where I had walked hundreds of times, in a place where I had learned so many things. I was walking out with someone who had become a big brother figure to me-who as a respiratory therapist has taught me not only about being a good nurse but has been there for me as a listening ear and given much needed advice on life. As he threatened me that I better stay in touch I got in my truck and we went our separate ways. I thought about the unknown ahead and right then as I looked in my rear view at Provo and teared up that something so familiar will be no more.

Thank you to all the great people who have supported me through so many hard times over this adventure of learning who I am as a nurse. For the friends I've gained, and experiences I've had it's been a ride. So here's to growing up! Out with the old and in with the new!! So long Provo and here I come Timp!

To draw comfort on such a foreign future I think I'll focus on this "Find Joy in the Journey!"